somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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