Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
