3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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