We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
