Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
