If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
