me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
