my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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