I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
