Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
