U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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