I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's get the cat blown out
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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