Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
