I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
