i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
