Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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