I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i came on her dog
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
