Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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