TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't think brook has ever known best
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
