omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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