Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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