shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
