this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
