So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
