Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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