My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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