I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
