his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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