I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
