Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
that is very illegal...i love you.
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