My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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