his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
