so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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