i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
