Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
