Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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