Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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