How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
