Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
