it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
