Well douche your snatch and let's go!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
