Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
