explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
