the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
