didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
