Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
