don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
