What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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