You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
