Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
