Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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