Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
