I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize