Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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