So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
