I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Damn victory sex feels great
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
