Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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