I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated