saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
