Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
