Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
