He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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