Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
