Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
