so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
