Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
