your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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