if i can run in heels then i can drive
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
